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when to say when
I am so glad that God continues to deal with me in His infinite love. I am so glad that He continues to push me and not let me settle. There have been so many times that I have felt ready to say, "ok, stop. freeze. this is good enough. just give me this and I'll be happy." Like when someone is pouring you a cup of coffee and when they've poured enough they ask you to "say when". So many times I've said "when" to God, and I'm realizing more and more, that thankfully, He has disagreed with me.

He continues to push me to places I would not have dreamed of going and mold me into a person I would not have imagined for myself. It is both exhilarating and scary - as I think freedom oftentimes is. As I'm approaching graduation from grad school and my mid-twenties I no longer have an outline in mind for my life. I no longer see things in steps or on a progressive time line. At least I've learned that much :)

Now I see things as much more fluid and un-graspable, as something I can't control and shouldn't anyway. I'm much more ready to be surprised, to be shocked, to be content, to deal with disappointment. I'm expecting great things and seeing more things as great.

I see His constancy in my life, even before I was a believer, I see His faithfulness and His patience. Oh His patience. I found a translation of a verse from either 1 or 2 Thessalonians 3 ( I can't remember which) in The Message Bible that says "may you be as loving as God and as patient as Christ". This is something I am terribly weak at: I am not a very patient person. When I consider Christ's patience with me, it thoroughly humbles me and puts me in awe of Him.

I have no idea what my life will be like in 5 years, 10 years, or beyond....but I think it will not be what I imagine even now. I think what I imagine or hope will matter less and less anyway as I hopefully live with more and more of an open heart and with open hands to the tiny part He wants me to play in His infinitely more important Kingdom.

In any event, now it's time to watch The Office.  :)


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