Happy Cinco de Mayo
In honor of this holiday for Mexico I will share one of my favorite Mexican-inspired treats. 

Chocolate Quesadilla
(serves 1)

1 whole wheat, 98% fat free tortilla (any kind of flour tortilla will work)
2 tablespoons semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 teaspoon sugar
spinkle of cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon powdered sugar

Place your tortilla in a non-stick skillet, but don't turn on the heat yet. On one half of the tortilla place the 2 tablespoons of chocolate chips, the teaspoon of sugar, and the sprinkle of cinnamon. Fold over the other half of the tortilla and turn the heat on the medium-low. Heat the quesadilla for 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown on each side. Then put your quesadilla on a plate and top it with a 1/2 teaspoon of powdered sugar. 

Enjoy! These are soo good. And not too bad for you either! 

"a limitless paper company in a paperless world"
* I love women! (in the completely non-lesbian sense) Usually my church small group is mixed with men and women (mostly husbands and wives), but last night just the ladies met. It was so much fun. And I noticed a HUGE difference. We went around the room telling what was going on in our lives and what our prayer requests were and every woman was so amazingly open, honest, and vulnerable. We each expressed things that we would never express when the men are around. And honestly, we talked about things that men would definitely not want to talk about. I absolutely love men and what they contribute to groups, but it gave me a new perspective on my small group to meet with just the women. I just think it's neat how God gave men and women to be together and to complement one another, but men and women also confound each other because we often don't really understand each other - so He also gave us friendships with people of the same gender so that we could have that extra element of feeling really understood and like there are other people like us.

* I love The Office. AJ's been gone all weekend and I've been watching lots of episodes from this season. Around Christmas time I tried watching episodes from seasons 1 & 2, but I didn't really get into them. Then this season I saw a clip from an episode on the Today show and since then I've been watching it every Thursday night and now I'm watching the old episodes online. I'd like to rent DVDs from season 3 and maybe 2, but I need to try to save as much of my financial resources as I can. Big things are coming up...

* I don't want to study for my vocational guidance final!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!!!

3 things of progressive importance
* Why is watching The Office online so hard? Every 3-30 seconds it catches and doesn't flow. Is this NBC's problem, my computer's problem, my Internet service's problem? I don't know, but it's super annoying. I still suffer through to watch old episodes though :)

* Currently I am reading The Irressistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, Plan B by Ann Lamott (I've been reading this for over a year. Shut up.), Daughters of Hope by a couple of ladies, and the Bible. I alternately read chapters from each. I find it difficult to read one book at a time (unless it's a fiction book). There are so many books I want to read that I feel like I'm missing out on the others if I only read one at a time. Plus, reading these 4 books at the same time is fascinating, a good balance I think.

* This morning my co-counselor from the fall semester asked my to tutor her in English this summer. This is interesting for multiple reasons. 1) she was my co-counselor for a whole semester...and she needs tutoring in ENGLISH?! 2) This is an example of the difficulties in having Korean students in the counseling program. She is actually in the PhD program now. I'm all for having them in the program, but knowing English is important when you're counseling American clients 3) I love doing that kind of thing. That's actually one of the things I'm thinking about doing after graduation (not tutoring her, but teaching English).

Here is what I am prayerfully considering for after graduation:

1) moving back to Houston, finding a job in ministry to the city of Houston, getting involved in a local church.
2) moving to China and teaching English at a university for 6 months - 1 year (this is my favorite option)
3) doing an internship in a ministry in Thailand or Cambodia that fights against the sex trafficking industry and helps women get out of it
4) anything else the Lord would like to bring into my field of vision or interest

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." (James 4:13-15)

in awe
You know what I like about the story of Hannah in the Bible? And Abraham? and everyone who was waiting for the Messiah? and everyone who's waiting for Jesus' second return?

What it's really about is her/his/their relationship with God.

When it happens. When I get what I want. When my faith become sight. It's not going to be about that. It's going to be about this walk of faith that I have been on. It's going to be about the struggle. And the pain. And the hope and the joy. And the beautiful way that He has smashed me into a million pieces so that He could create something completely new, fresh, and full of life.

It is going to be one of the sweetest moments in my life. And that's what I'm looking forward to. More than getting what I want, I want to have that moment with The One who's been there the whole time.

He is so faithful.

school update
I turned in my vocational guidance theory chart today.

Tomorrow night I will have new clients. My clients that I had been counseling since August & September all terminated last week.

Wednesday I have a final and an application paper due.  

Next Monday and Wednesday I have one final each day.

Next Tuesday will be my LAST night of practicum.

Next Friday I will begin my counseling internship at The Women's Center.

Then I will be finished with my next to last semester at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Praise the Lord.

and the LORD remembered her
There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.

 Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the LORD. Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"

 Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on a chair by the doorpost of the LORD's temple. In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine."

 "Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

 Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."

 She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, "Because I asked the LORD for him."

Hannah Dedicates Samuel
 When the man Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, "After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always."

 "Do what seems best to you," Elkanah her husband told her. "Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word." So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him.

 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull,  an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the LORD at Shiloh. When they had slaughtered the bull, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, "As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there. 

Hannah's Prayer

Then Hannah prayed and said:
       "My heart rejoices in the LORD;
       in the LORD my horn is lifted high.
       My mouth boasts over my enemies,
       for I delight in your deliverance.

 "There is no one holy like the LORD;
       there is no one besides you;
       there is no Rock like our God.

 "Do not keep talking so proudly
       or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
       for the LORD is a God who knows,
       and by him deeds are weighed.

"The bows of the warriors are broken,
       but those who stumbled are armed with strength.

 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
       but those who were hungry hunger no more.
       She who was barren has borne seven children,
       but she who has had many sons pines away.

 "The LORD brings death and makes alive;
       he brings down to the grave and raises up.

 The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
       he humbles and he exalts.

 He raises the poor from the dust
       and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
       he seats them with princes
       and has them inherit a throne of honor.
       "For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's;
       upon them he has set the world.

 He will guard the feet of his saints,
       but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.
       "It is not by strength that one prevails;

  those who oppose the LORD will be shattered.
       He will thunder against them from heaven;
       the LORD will judge the ends of the earth.
       "He will give strength to his king
       and exalt the horn of his anointed." 

Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, saying, "May the LORD give you children by this woman to take the place of the one she prayed for and gave to the LORD." Then they would go home. And the LORD was gracious to Hannah; she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters. Meanwhile, the boy Samuel grew up in the presence of the LORD. (1 Samuel 1:1-2:10 and 2:20-2)

my life in bullet points
  • Yesterday I went to a fundraiser for cowboy churches in Texas. Yes, you read that right. My friend, Scott, is having car trouble and he needed me to drive him to meet his parents, so that he could borrow one of their cars. His parents live in the Austin area, so we met them halfway (kinda) in the middle of absolute no where. His dad works for the BGCT (Baptist General Convention of Texas) and they help fund a lot of cowboy churches. I don't know if they have cowboy churches in other states besides Texas. Anyway, it was a beautiful day, a great day for a drive, and I ended up eating lunch from a chuck wagon in the middle of a cow pasture. Ha! Scott kept saying, "you say you love Texas..." :)) I do, but like I told AJ - the Galleria area of Houston is as much Texas as a cow pasture outside of Dublin, Texas is! I also got to meet Reba McEntyre's sister (the famous country singer's), Susie, and go on her tour bus. A very random and surprisingly fun experience.
  • Dannon Fruit on the Bottom yogurt is ridiculously good.
  • I love my church home group. I hadn't been there in several weeks and it was good to be back last night. They're such a fun and genuine group of people.
  • I had a new revelation from Matthew 6:25-34....it's verse 27, "Can any of you add a single cubit to her height by worrying?" I mean, I've read that verse countless times, but last night it hit me in a way that it has never hit before. The Bible is weird like that. What hit was that worrying is pointless, totally unproductive, and does not do a single good thing, it doesn't help a situation, all it does is hurt, it is a waste of time. And for some reason those thoughts really work for me. I have a tendency to worry or over-think in a desperate attempt to understand and/or control. Yesterday I was really struggling with it, but when those verses hit my soul the way they did last night, the worry just kind of melted away. Worry is futile. Faith is much more fun. :)
  • Whenever I am feeling stressed or taking life a little too seriously, I have to listen to Float On by Modest Mouse.
  • I'm moving to a new apartment May 17.
  • Today I'm going to the Fort Worth Art Festival.
  • I'm hungry.
  • Yesterday was my half birthday. AJ bought me cupcakes :)))
  • I have the best roommate in the world.
  • I really want to use the gifts God has uniquely given me to build up the Body of Christ.
  • I'm out of ideas for more bullet points...


What I was doing 10 years ago - Spring of 1998
1. Trying out for my high school's drill team (I made it).
2. "In love" with a guy named Sean (so stupid).
3. Shopping at Palais Royal.
4. Getting a fabulous new hair cut and for the first time ever loving my hair.
5. Spending lots of time at the mall. 

Five things on my to-do list today
1. Clean the Harn's house
2. Take a bath
3. Meet AJ at La Playa Maya for Mexican Thursday
4. Be on-call for Rape Crisis
5. Finish my overdue project for my family systems therapy class

Five snacks I enjoy
1. apples and peanut butter
2. sour cream and cheddar baked lays
3. really good oranges or tangerines
4. almost any kind of ice cream
5. honey roasted peanuts. mmm.

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Pay off any and all of my parents' debt and my own
2. Travel
3. Support missionaries and churches/ministries in other countries
4. Give big to humane societies/SPCAs and open a dog sanctuary
5. Give to my local church and to missions within America

Five of my bad habits
1. Staying up too late.
2. Wasting time on the computer...
3. Not answering my phone
4. Waiting until the last minute to do school work
5. worrying/trying to control my life

Five places I have lived
1. Houston, Texas
2. San Maros, Texas
3. La Porte, Texas
4. Fort Worth, Texas
5. Clear Lake and Kingwood, Texas (technically both are Houston)

Five jobs I’ve had
1. Student Intern at NASA, in the Auditor's department
2. Customer Service representative at Dillard's department store (awful!)
3. Child care worker at various places
4. Personal assistant (my favorite)
5. House cleaner

weight loss update
I've lost 16 pounds. Why don't I feel any different? My clothes are looser and I like the way I look better in pictures, but I really don't feel all that different. I still feel fat. I still want to lose a good bit more. I just think it's interesting that my physical size has changed, but my psychological state of mind hasn't changed much at all. I remember once in high school I lost a good amount of weight and was the thinnest I had ever been in high school and I still felt exactly like I had before I lost weight. It was very disappointing. I thought weight loss would fix everything - my confidence, my life circumstances. It doesn't. Weight struggles are merely  a symptom of something much deeper within and usually harder to change (or even identify!).  


Recently I was thinking about how I became a Christian and how it included a certain Bible verse. I was contemplating the extreme beauty and simplicity of that verse when it hit me dead on: are you living that verse? Ha! I was marveling at the beauty and thinking how wonderul and right and wise the Lord is and at the same time I am tied up in knots with worry and with trying to control things in my life. So, I had to ask myself: are you seeking FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness or your own plans and your own glory? Where is my heart in the things that I'm involved in? Is it seeking Him or am I seeking to just be finished with school? to have a Masters? to meet a guy? to have a best friend? to go back to Houston? to look good? to overcome the things that challenge me for the sake of my own enjoyment? Even now, am I writing this so that people who read it will think well of me? I am overjoyed that the Lord has freed me from so many things and brought me peace and salvation, but I have to remember that He did that not so that I could live for myself, but for Him and His purposes. Very convicting. In a good, but challenging way.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Jesus, in Matthew 6:25-34


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